The Flawed Practice of Us and Them
It’s surprisingly effortless to make false assumptions
I grew up thinking that Michigan was a no-good, very bad place.
Football fever is strong in Ohio, and the Ohio State/Michigan rivalry is intense. OSU football games are epic, and being in the stadium is an experience. If you’ve never seen script Ohio, it’s a sight to behold.
Ohio State students had their own version of the Michigan fight song, and let’s just say it lacked dignity. We bonded over our team’s greatness and the awfulness of the common enemy.
This seems like it’s all in good fun, but believe it or not, I thought Michigan was actually awful. I never questioned the assumption until my husband was in grad school, and we became good friends with a couple of Michigan lovers. And then much later, my daughter talked about applying to the University of Michigan, and my knee-jerk reaction was, “That is not a thing that can happen.”
For real. I’m not the least bit proud of it, but that’s what went through my mind, and it may have actually come out of my mouth. I quickly got on board, but the reaction was ridiculous.
I’ve gotten to know some wonderful Michigan people in my adult life, and my stereotypes were flat-out wrong. Shocking, I know.
In 2020, I sent my husband an email with a link to a unique campground called The Fields of Michigan. I forgot all about it, but he sent it back to me this summer and said, “Let’s go.” And so last week, two kids from Ohio traveled to Michigan for the first time ever. Ohio and Michigan share a border.
You know where this is going.
It was beautiful. The campground was a campground in name only. We had a big tent on a wooden platform with a king bed, and it had a little sink, a toilet, and a shower coming out of the wall. Running water and no sleeping on the ground? This is my kind of camping. The stars twinkled, and the fire roared. And they made us breakfast!
We spent our days on the Lake Michigan beaches, and my favorites were South Beach in South Haven and Oval Beach in Saugatuck. These beaches were among some of the most beautiful I’ve seen, and I would have sworn that I was looking at the ocean. The water was clear and warm. On calm days there were gentle waves. But on one particularly turbulent day, the waves splashed over the pier, and people were surfing. Surfing on Lake Michigan. Who knew?!
We walked the beach for hours and experienced a legendary Michigan sunset.
South Beach - Photo by Author
I can’t believe it took this long to discover the wonders of Michigan.
If I can carry a bias this powerful over sports, can you imagine how many more swim around in my head?
It’s easy to label people as “other.” Us and them. It’s surprisingly effortless to make assumptions that might not contain a drop of truth. And sometimes, hate takes root without ever being questioned.
As Brené Brown says in her book Braving the Wilderness, “People are hard to hate close up. Move in.”
How? Start with curiosity and openness. Have conversations. Read books. Take trips.
When you notice a bias against someone, question it. Seek out a broader perspective. People are infinitely more interesting and complicated and beautiful than a stereotype could ever contain.
Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash
Also published in Better Humans
