Dignity Is the Key to Solving Problems
Defuse volatile situations and improve relationships by honoring dignity
Hate, it has caused a lot of problems in the world, but has not solved one yet.
— Maya Angelou
Some people are easy to hate.
Their words and actions are cruel, heartbreaking, and unthinkable.
Even when hate feels justified and right, it often comes with anger, stress, and anxiety. It can rob you of peace and health. And to add insult to injury, it won’t solve a single problem.
Hate is a burden, but it can also lead you to what matters most.
Try this experiment
Think of a public figure you loathe. It could be a politician, a business owner, an actor…it doesn’t matter. Just make sure it’s someone you don’t know personally and have fiery anger toward.
Make a list, or write a few paragraphs about your grievances. Don’t censor yourself. This is for you and you only unless you decide to share.
Find the flashing neon signs pointing to your values. Go beyond the person to identify the actions and beliefs that dishonor your values.
Create a new list of what’s important to you. This is where you can make a positive difference.
Figure out what matters to you, and put your time, attention, and energy there. Don’t give hate one more second of your life.
Dignity has the power to solve problems
Hate adds fuel to conflict, but dignity defuses volatile situations and improves every relationship it touches.
Dr. Donna Hicks is a dignity expert and conflict resolution specialist. Her work is helping me to get clear on what dignity is, what it looks like, and how essential it is.
Dignity is inherent value and worth. Everyone has it. You. Me. All of us.
The people who are seen as good guys, and the people who are seen as bad. Even the colleague that pissed you off and the family member whose political rant made you want to scream. There are no exceptions.
Dr. Hicks asserts there’s a second and crucial thing to know about dignity: it’s vulnerable. It’s easily harmed, injured, and wounded. When it’s violated, it turns into anger and resentment.
It’s common to lose sight of dignity over time and to stop recognizing it in yourself and others, especially people who assault your values.
Dignity and respect are not the same
Dignity and respect are often used interchangeably, and this has not been good for dignity.
Respect is admiration earned and given based on actions and accomplishments. Dignity is the inherent value and vulnerability of every single one of us. When dignity is packaged with respect, it becomes easy to reject someone’s dignity.
But, you can treat someone with dignity even if you don’t respect them, like them, or agree with them.
What does it look like to treat someone with dignity?
Dr. Hicks has spent decades developing the answer to this question:
Accept and support people for who they are.
Welcome and include them.
Let them know they’re safe with you.
Help them to feel seen and heard by responding to their concerns.
Recognize their uniqueness.
Treat them fairly.
Give them the benefit of the doubt.
Seek to understand them.
Don’t try to control them.
Take responsibility for your behavior, and apologize when you do harm.
Dignity is the key to solving problems and improving relationships.
What if you replaced judging, rejecting, threatening, shaming, ignoring, and gaslighting with dignity?
What if you treated yourself with dignity?
Can you imagine how much less suffering and more peace there would be?
Dignity is an internal state of peace that comes with the recognition
and acceptance of the value and vulnerability of all living things.
— Donna Hicks, Ph.D.
Photo by Michael Dziedzic on Unsplash
Also published in Better Humans
