The Dead Dads Club and the Dignity of Discomfort
In 2007, George O'Malley put losing his father into words.
I saw this episode of Grey's Anatomy 13 years before I lost my own father, but it made an impression. In December 2020, I joined the club, and George's words were right there waiting for me.
"I don't know how to exist in a world where my dad doesn't."
Grey’s Anatomy: Six Days - Season 3 Episode 11
The Dead Dads Club is the worst club I've ever joined, and I've shared pieces of my experience.
Like so many things in life, nothing can prepare you. But there are things that help, and Cristina Yang gave us a heartfelt example of showing up for those who are hurting.
The dignity of discomfort
A friend sent me a link to a We Can Do Hard Things podcast a couple of weeks ago with a note about how dignity came up. In the episode, Sara Bareilles talked about the dignity of discomfort and the practice of being with someone in pain. She said it can feel like your dignity is being stolen when someone tries to fix or change what is.
Sitting with grief is a gift.
I'm grateful for the love, support, presence, and patience of my family and friends. They graced me with the dignity of discomfort after Dad's death.
Grief is heavy and unpredictable, and the path is unique for each person and each loss. There are no easy answers for what will or won't help, but dignity is a safe bet.
One of the elements of dignity is giving your full attention. Sometimes it means listening, validating, and responding. Other times it means being present in silence without expectation. It's a combination of seeing, hearing, and acknowledging.
It's not rocket science, but in today's fast-paced and highly distracted world, it's easy to miss opportunities to give your full attention and show that you care.
You don't need to have answers. Most people don't want them anyway.
And when you're the one who needs the dignity of discomfort, what would happen if you found the courage to ask for it?
Photo by Taylor Hernandez on Unsplash
