Losing My Dad Shifted My Understanding of Grief

Unexpected lessons learned after losing someone I love

Adjusting to a world without my father left me reeling.

The lessons I learned over the year that followed his death won’t lessen the pain of your grief, but it might help you feel less lost.

Grief is hard on the brain.

My ability to process, solve problems, or remember just about anything took a huge dive. I thought seriously about getting a neurological evaluation, and I asked my family to place me in a nice assisted living center with lots of books, music, and pictures of the ocean.

I wish I had known that this was part of the natural process of grieving.

Mood and personality can change dramatically.

I’m a happy, people-loving person, damn it! Except, I wasn’t. I was grumpy. People irritated me. Why did they need to be in the same grocery aisle? They’re in my way! This is ridiculous, I know. And yet, I felt it.

I became a grouchy introvert, and that’s still lingering more than a year later.

Realizations come slowly and from unexpected places.

Not long after Dad’s death, Disney+ gifted me with WandaVision. There was a brilliant line in this series that took my breath away. “What is grief if not love persevering?” Perspective shift: The pain of grief comes from the depth of love. I wouldn’t trade one bit of love to decrease the intensity of the loss.

With this realization, gratitude began to blend with grief.

Grief changes with time, but it doesn’t end.

Sometimes a wave of grief swells up from my heart and flows out through my eyes. It’s ok. Not only is love worth the pain, but something beautiful has emerged. The consuming, fog-inducing grief has slowly receded, and I’m left with wonderful memories and a forever bond.

The people we love and have lost live on in our hearts, and also, it never stops hurting that they’re gone.

Also published in Better Humans